I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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