i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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