I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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