Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
