were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
