I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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