I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Two words: nipple clamps
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