I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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