what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
