If i come over, it means nothing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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