Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we should paint friendship bongs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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