I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
