She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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