kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
