Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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