really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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