we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
