can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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