its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
