he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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