Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
