Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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