shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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