Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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