it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bring me that man meat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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