Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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