he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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