Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
