have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
