My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
