man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
