I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
