dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
