i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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