Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
