9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
