i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
