She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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