I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
