a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
