What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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