I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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