It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
