Yo dont text me then not text me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
