I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
