How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
