Can Purell be used as lube?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
