ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
