Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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