I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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