You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
