I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is my life. Enjoy the view
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
