i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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